i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
