Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
