I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
