I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
