i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize