somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
