is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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