and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
