Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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