Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
