I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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