if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do herpes really smell.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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