She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
