He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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