He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
