No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
