you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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