Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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