he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.