Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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