it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
