so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
