im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
