whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
