I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
