I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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