I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
