I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
