At least make sure they are 18
Why
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
