I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
