I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
