Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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