Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
