I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
