this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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