he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
