Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
