I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
