I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
