Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
