There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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