i already hear my dad disowning me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
