Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
