woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
