sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
