the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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