I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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