I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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