In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
