he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
