did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
