Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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