Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
