No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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