Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
