Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
