i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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