I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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