I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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