My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
