dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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