i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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