WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
