problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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