I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
