Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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