You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
